Be careful what you wish for
by seaofswans
Summary: Set in 3x14. Emma pressures the truth of what happened the past year out of hook, and perhaps she couldn't handle what she learns. Captain Swan one shot.


"You." she stormed up to him and jabbed him in the chest with her finger. "You go on and on about trust and commitment, yet you won't even tell me what you were doing during that damn missing year.

Killian didn't respond. Emma glared at him, only finding deep sadness.

"Well?" she demanded. Hook sighed, and turned away from her, counting to stare out the small lobby's window. "Perhaps the truth is not something I owe you."

Emma's mouth instantly dropped open.

"Owe me? You owe me a hell of a lot more then the truth." she spat, a look of disgust plastered on her face.

Killian raised a brow. "Is that so." he whispered, taking a step closer to her. Emma swallowed hard, fighting the urge to step back. But she knew that that one small motion could potentially lead to her defeat. She couldn't have that. She _needed_ to know what had happened.

" _What happened back there? What aren't you telling me?"_

" _Nothing. It's my tale and I'm sticking to it."_

" _I still don't believe you."_

The words from their previous conversation rang in Killian's head. God, he wanted to tell her so bad. He wanted to tell how much he'd been in pain without her by his side, all the sacrifices he made to get to her, and now that he had her back, he was shutting her out. And her him.

Emma could see that Hook wasn't with her. He was far away, lost in his thoughts somewhere."

"Hook." she pleaded. "Please, _tell me_."

Her voice brought him back to reality.

"Prove what I mean to you." her voice said softly.

Killian narrowed his eyes at her. Had she really just said that too him? After all he had done, he thought had _at leas_ t proven himself to her. Everything he'd done he did for her. _It was always for her._

He took another step toward her, and leaned in over her ear. Emma's heart began to raise, and she hoped to god that he couldn't hear her pulse. His breath was warm on the shell of her ear.

"Be careful what you wish for, darling."

This time, Emma did back away. The feel of him _this_ close to her was making her lose focus.

"I can handle it." she gulped

"Emma swan, you are a force to be reckoned with."

A small smile played across her lips at his comment, but disappeared instantly as she saw the look in his eyes. He was stalling, hoping she'd just give up and go home.

But the truth was he was hoping she'd push him out of her life for good. Killian knew the truth would affect her, _deeply_ , and he'd rather go through the new pain Emma could inflict on him rather than force her to live with such a burden.

"You're stalling." she hissed

Hook ran his tongue over his bottom lip, and looked away. Emma couldn't help but lower her gaze to his lips for a instant.

 _Moment of weakness, damn._ She thought to herself.

Killian sighed. "Alright, love. We'll start slow." He turned his gaze out the window once more, not wanting to look at her face.

"I kept my word." he whispered slowly. "Not a day went by when I didn't think of you. And every day I was reminded by my own bloody mission that you had no idea who I was, no idea how much I loved you. No idea how much I wanted to see your smiling face."

Emma swallowed hard. She hadn't thought that she had affected him _that_ much.

" _You're glad I had my heart broken?"_

" _If it can be broken, it means it still works."_

Suddenly, Emma realized what he had meant. Killian wasn't talking about her, he was talking about himself. _Talking to himself_.

"When your parents let you go, let you live a life of lies, I desperately sought out a way to find you." he continued. "To find a way to save you, to bring you back. I had to find you, Emma."

Emma took a step back, the force of his words weighing heavy on her. Killian could see the effect they had on her.

"Just tell me when to stop, love." he whispered.

"Why?"

"You know why." he replied softly.

And it was true. She did know why, she just didn't want to admit to herself. She didn't ask for his affection, for his love. She didn't want it.

 _Liar_

She was fooling herself. She did want it. She loved having him wrapped around her finger, and it was horrible.

"I spent the last year so incredibly miserable without you. I convinced myself that love would only bring endless torment. I tried to go back to my old life, wanted to more than anything. I wanted to move on. But I couldn't leave you. I saw the look in your eyes at the town line, begging anyone to find away to save you. But no one saw your pleas."

"H-how did you?' Emma replied shakily.

Killian smiled sadly at her. "You're an open book, remember?"

 _Tell him to stop. Make him stop_

 _No, you need to know._

 _Why? Why do you need to know?_

Emma couldn't accept the answer. Not yet.

"When you whispered 'good' to me, at the town line, I was foolish enough to believe that you cared for me. But I saw they way you looked at me in New York, and I realized I was bloody kidding myself. I'm still just a pirate to you, and you'll never trust me. Even after everything I've done to prove myself. Today just showed me even more. Anything I do will never be enough."

 _You're right._ Her brain shouted

 _You're wrong._ Her heart screamed

Emma's insides were twisting, her heart was racing.

Killian took one more step toward her.

"I sacrificed everything for you. And all you did, in return, was break me."

Emma cracked. " _Stop_. I-I can't."

" _Okay._ "

" _That enough humor for you?"_

Her own words rang in her head. Emma had hated him for forcing that out of her. But how was she any better? She had walked away from him, left him there, but now here they were, in the same situation, and he was still there. Looking at the floor while her mouth hung open. Just like he always was.

"I-is that all of it?" she whispered slowly, her voice cracking

Killian finally looked up at her, and his eyes told the rest. No. There was so much more she didn't know, and shouldn't know. He couldn't break her, not like she did to him.

"I'm sorry." A tear ran down her cheek. Killian reached up and brushed it away with his thumb, a longing look in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry." she whispered again.

"Me too."

Emma looked into his eyes, meeting his gaze. "Why are you sorry?" she wondered aloud, her voice as broken as his story.

Killian sighed. "Because I shouldn't have told you, Emma. I shouldn't have forced such a burden on you. I should have let you just push me away instead."

Emma couldn't believe this man. He would rather have her push him away, and give up his own happiness, then inflict any pain on her.

 _One more moment of weakness._

She grabbed the lapels of his coat, much like she did in Neverland, and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was gentle. It spoke all the words she could not. Emma had never been good at expression her feelings, but she let everything pour out into that kiss. And Killian could tell.

She pulled away slowly, catching her breath. Their foreheads rested against each other, and their eyes were closed shut. Neither wanted to move, the fear of running the moment to great.

"Thank you." Emma finally whispered. Her hands braced the side of his face, and his hand was at the small of her back.

Killian didn't respond. He continued to breath steadily and keep his eyes shut. He was afraid of what he would see if he opened them.

Emma slowly pulled away and headed toward the door.'

 _Don't leave him like that_

 _After everything he's done for you he deserves the truth_

"Killian?" she called out softly

"Aye, love?"

"You were wrong. You aren't just a pirate, and you've done more then enough to prove that. I-I just need a little time."

He smiled at her and she smiled back.

"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."


End file.
